Passive-Aggressive Note of the Day: Borders locked up the last of its brick-and-mortar bookstores last Sunday. The above list of gripes — reportedly posted at one of many out-of-business outlets — claims to speak for all Borders employees.

A transcript follows, courtesy of EW’s Shelf Life:

• We hate when a book becomes popular simply because it was turned into a movie.

• It confused us when we were asked where the non-fiction section is.

• Nicholas Sparks is not a good writer … if you like him, fine, but facts are facts.

• We greatly dislike the phrase “Quick question.” It’s never true. And everyone seems to have one.

• Your summer reading list was our summer reading NIGHTMARE. Also, it’s called summer reading, not three days before school starts reading.

• It’s true that we lean to the left and think Glenn Beck is an idiot.

• We always knew when you were intently reading Better Homes and Gardens, it was really a hidden Playboy.

• Most of the time when you returned books you read them already — and we were onto you.

• Limit One Coupon did not mean one for every member of your family — this angered us. Also, we did know what coupons were out.

• It never bothered us when you threatened to shop at Barnes & Noble. We’d rather you do if you’re putting up a stink.

• “I was just here last week and saw this book there” meant nothing to us. The store changed once a week.

• When you walked in and immediately said, “I’m looking for a book,” what you really meant to say is, “I would like you to find me a book.” You never looked. It’s fine, it’s our job — but let’s be correct about what’s really happening here.

• If you don’t know the author, title, or genre, but you do know the color of the cover, we don’t either. How it was our fault that we couldn’t find it we’ll never understand.

• We were never a daycare. Letting your children run free and destroy our section destroyed a piece of our souls.

• Oprah was not the “final say” on what is awesome. We really didn’t care what was on her show or what her latest book club book was. Really.

• When you returned your SAT books, we knew you used them. We thought it wasn’t fair — seeing that we are not a library.

You Should Give A F*ck About An Oxford Comma of the Day

This Looks Legit of the Day: An Original carte de visite, c. 1870, “showing a man who looks exactly like Nick Cage [sic].”

eBay seller jack_mord says: “Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead / vampire, et cetera, who quickens / reinvents himself once every 75 years or so.”

I was under the impression that this was already a well-known fact.

[biotv.]

An 8-year-old boy with autism missing for over a day has been found thanks to the San Bernardino Sheriff’s Department and “No More Tears” by Ozzy Osbourne.

Rescuers used a couple of Joshua Robb’s favorite songs — the one by Ozzy and “Good Time” by Alan Jackson” — to lure him out of woods near his Twin Peaks elementary school.

He reportedly walked up to the search party and said “thank you, you saved me.”

Joshua’s parents, who face child abuse charges for allegedly tying him to a pole, recently lost their home to foreclosure. Joshua had been placed under the protective care of a teacher; it is believed he ran away to find his parents.

1,200 bottles of nail polish + 900 fake fingernails + 25 days + 2 hours per nail = The worlds first nail art animation.

Also an ad for the Kia Picanto.

A tiny little quack quack eats a large pizza.

Baby duck vs Pizza Hut.

Lost actor Matthew Fox may wish he had a magical island to disappear to after he was arrested early this morning for allegedly punching a female bus driver twice because she wouldn’t let him board.

According to a police report, Fox asked the 29-year-old driver for a ride back to his hotel, but she refused, telling him the bus had been rented out to a private party. Fox then allegedly struck the woman in the chest and stomach before she retaliated by punching him in the mouth — a strike which reportedly broke her hand.

The actor, who is currently shooting World War Z, was released to a friend and returned to his hotel. The incident is currently being investigated; a rep for Fox has yet to issue a statement.

Army Soldier uses the element of surprise to provoke a tear filled moment for his mum at her work.

Time-Lapse Thing of the Day: 7 years of worth construction (2004-2011) at the 9/11 Memorial site condensed to 90 seconds.

The National September 11 Memorial will open to the public on the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 terror attacks. Its companion museum will open next year.

Source: Gawker

UPDATE: 2004-2014 below…