Archive for the 'Toddlers & Tiaras' Category

Today On TDW: Gossip –

• Above: Toddlers & Tiaras’ Alana “Honey Boo Boo Child” Thompson and her mom, June Shannon, dress in matching outfits for Anderson Cooper’s daytime talk show.

• Whitney Houston’s funeral to be livestreaming online.

• Kodak Theater to be renamed.

• Chris Brown was allegedly in attendance at Rihanna’s birthday party.

• Amanda Knox lands $4 million memoir deal.

• On to the next baller: Kim Kardashian reportedly eyeing Jeremy Lin.

• Chris Brown denies hitting on women by telling them he won’t hit them.

• Neil Hope, who played Wheels on Degrassi, died five years ago.

• Liv Tyler tries to sing, bless her little heart.

• Uggie not invited to Oscars, ceremony rendered meaningless.

Think Of The Children of the Day: As TLC’s Toddlers & Tiaras continues to be the most despicable, humanity devoid fulcrum of everything that’s wrong, Good Morning America‘s Andrea Canning decides to go after what is arguably the show’s most criminal ingredient: The concoction of Mountain Dew and Red Bull unfit mother June Shannon makes her six-year-old Alana drink in order to keep her alert during pageants.

“There are far worse things,” Shannon said in her defense. “I could be giving her alcohol.”

[gma / video: buzzfeed.]

Beauty Pageant Kids These Days of the Day: I have a theory about Toddlers & Tiaras that involves TLC working with Child Services to lure unfit parents into a trap a la police station lotteries.

It has to be that. It just has to.

[bwe.]

RIP Society of the Day: Oh, we’re not done with TLC’s Toddlers & Tiaras — not by a mile. That show is everything that is wrong with the world today, and it must be brought to an unceremonious end.

On last night’s episode, pageant mom Marlo was shown stuffing her 11-year-old daughter Sydney into a corset — a corset! — while stating matter-of-factly: “It doesn’t matter if you can breathe or not, it only matters if you look beautiful.”

Things go downhill in a hurry, as Marlo has Sydney model her swimsuit, which her dad fears is too revealing. “We don’t start showing crack ’til the 13-14 group,” Marlo tells her husband, entirely certain she is being reassuring.

“I’m not a crazy pageant mom: I’m an insane one,” Marlo says later on in the show. “The doctor says I’ll be just fine with medication and lots of therapy!”

Unfortunately, Sydney won “Grand Supreme” at the International Fresh Faces Missouri Pageant — whatever any of that means — so it is rather unlikely Marlo will be compelled to quit parading her daughter around like a life-size Bratz doll anytime soon.

[usmagazine / video: tlc.]

This Is All Kinds Of Wrong of the Day: The latest Toddlers & Tiaras mom-cum-madam embroiled in controversy (previously) has spoken out in defense of her indefensible decision to dress her daughter like a hooker.

Wendy Dickey told TMZ the hooker outfit did not harm her 3-year-old daughter Paisley, insisting that the costume — modeled after the character played by Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman — was “less revealing than gymnastics wear and swimsuits.”

According to Dickey, Paisley also paraded around the beauty pageant stage as the “classy” version of Roberts’ character, but that scene was left on TLC’s cutting room floor.

“People need to look at their own family and what they’re doing,” Dickey went on to say. “I don’t know why people are focusing so much on pageant moms when there’s much more harmful things people are letting their children do!”

PROTIP: If your best defense is “there are worse ways to harm a kid,” you’re not doing a very good job defending yourself. 

[tlc / tmz.]

This Is All Kinds Of Wrong of the Day: On the latest episode of TLC’s Toddlers & Tiaras (AKA Bad Parenting for Dummies AKA Legal Kiddie Porn), 4-year-old beauty pageant hopeful Maddy Jackson gets a very special hand-me-down from her mom Lindsay: A child-size Dolly Parton dress, complete with fake breasts and butt.

“When she wears the fake boobs and fake butt it’s an added bonus,” says her mother, a former child beauty pageant contestant herself. “It’s really funny when she comes out on stage they think it’s hysterical. They realize not only is she Dolly but she has the added enhancements just like Dolly has.”

Shut down this show, shut down these pageants, send whoever you need to jail, just so long as 4-year-old girls are never again forced to wear fake boobs and flirt with middle-aged men and women who consider judging the “sexiness” of toddlers a legitimate hobby.

[tlc / radar.]

Creepyass Kid of the Day: Toddlers & Tiaras star Little Eden offers her thoughts on hairspray. Slowed way down, of course.

[gregrutter / hugel.]